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WELCOME TO BEDFORD TRAKTORS TRIATHLON CLUB 2008 SEASON |
 AFFILIATED |
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7 December 2006
Evening evil minions, dark underlings and those of uncertain
parentage...
here's a smattering of dates and times so you know how it's
going down over the "festive" season (I kid you not, some
actually believe that family get-togethers, domestic crises,
overspending on trash, grasping hands from materialistic
kids, loutish over-indulgent alcohol fuelled behaviour and
lousy cricket in Aus make it festive, ho bloody, ho).
12th December, Tuesday, swim, 7:15-8:15 (no second session),
christmas meal at the Park follows directly after.
14th December, Thursday, spin, 7-8 as normal.
19th December, Tuesday, swim, 7:15-9:15 as normal.
21st December, Thursday, spin, 7-8, as normal (Gareth will
provide substitute leader as he'll have buggered orf to
Spain).
===================
Big gap for all that festive stuff previously mentioned,
guess most of you are prime candidates.
===================
4th January, Thursday, spin 7-8 as normal.
9th January, Thursday, swim, 7:15-9:15 as normal.
Sunday pootles
Leo (of Rydon fame, a most pleasant individual and more
importantly dead keen) leads rides on Sunday mornings from
Bromham Swan, start time is 10:30am. The group comprises all
sorts of abilities from speedy rat packers to mountain
bikers with no sense of self-preservation. At present you
can expect 10 to 15 souls to be out for approx 2 and a 1/2
hours with a 15 minute break for a social cup of tea and
cake (bring a £1 or so to cover if you want to indulge) at
the BRCC bike shed in Cardington. This is very much a lazy
Sunday ride but might fit in with those of you who don't
like Savory/O'Drsicoll intervals of pain (as if) in the
afternoon or just want a gentle recovery after the night
before. Try it and see.
Fun in the sun (honest)
We have 6 hardy but foolish types who are confirmed for this
training (sleep, eat, cycle, run swim, eat sleep, repeat x7)
week in the South of France. Specifically at
Sancture de
Sportifs nestling in the foothills of the Pyrenees 20km
north of the Spanish border and 60km from the Mediterranean.
There is space for a couple more, so if interested in
cycling up mountains for hours, swimming up 50m pools for
hours, running up hills/gorges for hours, eating and
drinking non-stop and perhaps sleeping a little bit then
this is the "holiday" for you. Dates are 9th to 16 Feb
2007 inclusive (half-term). Ask me for details and I might
roll out of bed and send some, or not, I'll see how much you
plead.
Christmas meal menu info:
Main course:
Roast turkey dinner\Salmon filet with lemon sauce\Tomato
& Mozzarella Gnocchi
Puddings:
Christmas Pudding\Passion Royale (passion fruit and
vanilla ice cream) with passion fruit sorbet
Followed by coffee.
If you are one of those dull lethargic types who haven't
told Lisa what you want from the above then I don't really
care. But Lisa does and it would help if you emailed her
damn quick.
lrattu@sharnbrook.beds.sch.uk
AWOL - spin kommand bunker directive.
Spinning continues unabated at a ridiculously low price for
such an entertaining and novel form of punishment. Every
week numerous folke ring in and a enumerated upon the
Dragons book of registration. So many in fact that every
week there a several "reserves" for these august spots. So
how come every bloody week there are 2 or more bikes going
spare? A number of regulars (toilet habits not withstanding)
have mentioned that if they knew the places were available
they'd bring friends, relatives, enemies or even pets to
fill the empty machines. So if you book please make every
effort to turn up, if you get caught out, let Dragons know
soon as possible...so that some other poor unfortunate can
come to understand the white heat of pain and suffering. No
more empty seats, it reflects badly on us as a club and is
harder to justify the low price we pay for the facility.
In other news:
Some people are just not content with running, swimming and
cycling. So just have to be a bit good in other areas.
Several of our members come from a rowing background and
will appreciate Duncan Pattersons' numbers on a concept 2
rower at the
British Championships. Also there was Cathy Johnson
though the
official results table don't seem to make much sense,
whatever.
...and with that he was gone.
I wish all my detractors a simply appalling Christmas and a
really miserable Next Year.
May all your pavements be cracked and your socks full of
holes...bring back darning for underachievers.
As for friends and supporters (both of you) keep taking the
medicine.
Max - may your non-existent God(s) go with you.
Some folk get a little
confused about the order of events and correct equipment in
triathlon...
and for Christmas I'd like a new bike.
============================================
no place like 'ome: www.bedfordtraktors.co.uk gorgeous hunk : tominman@ntlworld.com complete bollox and worse: max@traks.tk kit(ten) and meal ticket: lrattu@sharnbrook.beds.sch.uk Mr. Motivator: steve@traks.tk
Motivator direct:
galeforce.com@ntlworld.com Last time's "Hairy Dog" (below) was, of course the Spanish Water Dog. STOP PRESS: Traks Christmas Dinner booked for 12th Tuesday December
Q2. Name a hairy
dog?
Afternoon my retinue of unskilled pond-life, I extend the olive
branch of assistance to all and then withdraw just before you grasp
and gasp.
Sink or swim (there's only one choice in my black book)?
Why Tri when you can fail so gloriously?
You'll always be failures to me (isn't that comforting). But in
other news...
End of the World (well almost)
A very successful (ie. bloke and dog turned up, dog jumped in pool,
bloke walks round park)
Autumn Sprint ended the year with a loud whimper. Combined with
the Junior Aquathlon there were upwards of 400 entries - winners and
results are available. Our very own Sandra "whom?" Tschumi won
very convincingly while Dave Brown stuffed 'em by slightly less in
the other half of the gender divide. ElunWorthy was 5th commendable
for a man who the day before was staring into the deep pit of
inconsolable depression. For those who struggle with lists here's
one I prepared earlier (traklets only)
James Elworthy 1:05:05
Dave Dormer 1:10:39
Sandra Tschumi 1:10:23
Mark Bottomley 1:14:47
Alastair Fadden 1:15:11
Cathy Johnson 1:17:29
Clive Savory 1:17:59
Steve Rice 1:18:05
Karen Price 1:21:08
Zac Hollis 1:21:42
Lisa Rattu 1:24:12
Vaughan Carradice 1:27:27
Tom Brassington 1:29:49
Sharon McCarthy 1:31:48
Shane Roberts 1:59:51
Making the wheels go round
Thanks to everyone who did anything and even more thanks to those
who did most things. Contrary to popular (misinformed lout) opinion
races only happen because you help to marshal them. Entries are good
but without marshals doggedly appearing, helping and then
disappearing (where do they all go?) triathlons just wouldn't
happen. I won't list names (cos' I can't remember some of you and
don't want to remember the rest) but if you did anything for the
Traks over the past year you have my thanks, Steve's undying
gratitude (definitely not worth dying for) and the clubs vast
reservoir of untapped humble appreciation (huh!). Very noticeable
that those with sproglets manage to persuade their young innocent
minds to provide afternoons and mornings of slavery (parents never
miss a trick). Never quite sure why people keep turning up in crud
weather (less than tropical), at daft times ((pre noon) to help out
for next to nothing (perhaps you should pay us)? We thank you all,
even the people giving out rubber bands...
Enough thanks - anymore and I will be physically sick...it's just
not me.
Pain and suffering coming to a dungeon near you.
The delight that is "spinning" hits the ground running from next
Thursday.
Starts slightly earlier at 7pm for an hour of pain, torment and
flesh rending enjoyment.
Dragons health club are again providing the venue for this regular
evening of vertical bloodletting on the human equivalent of a
hamster wheel of suffering.
Can't wait.
01234 354363 for bookings (one week advance only) and you need to be
on the ball for this as it is very popular, I kid you not.
Dragons Health Club 81-83 Kimbolton Road, MK41 9DL -
multimap location
The car park is not a good option if late (or even early) so park in
Polhill avenue and walk 150m.
Yeah, I know that's a bit much for an athlete, but then you never
quite made the grade so stop bleating.
Bring money (£3 and £2 more for a shower!), towel, water bottle,
something to soak up the blood and a body-bag.
This is the hardest hours exercise of your rather unimportant and
irrelevant life so enjoy.
Cripple newsflash
The sad, wasted creature who almost seven weeks ago had the temerity
to shoulder plough tarmac in Millbrook has resumed cycling (well, a
slow wobble) and swimming (frantic splashing - some of it even in a
forward direction). Stiffness (shoulder mainly, as if anywhere else
counted for a superior athlete) remains, breathing is more human and
less werewolf and mobility (now can summon help with two fingers not
one) improving. So keep off the streets, lock up your daughters and
stay out of the water...well manage two of those and I'll be happy.
We should definitely have a spare rib BBQ in the summer to
commemorate all those who have fallen from grace, favour and
bicycles this year. But at least unlike snakeboy Piron we didn't end
up rear ending a pony in the New forest (or wherever it was).
Prosecutions still pending on that one.
leaving on a jet plane
Six of our finest (lying comes so easily to me) are off to the
Pyreneean foothills in a few days. They are suffering all manner of
unspeakables at the hands of Rich (ex traks coach - see how we breed
success, like termites) Laidlow. They will also be ministered to
(last rites and some foodage/accom) by Michelle "stasi" Emsley.
Collectively they run a great
training base just
north of the Spannish border. Next trip set for February 9th-17th
2007.
from our foreign correspondent
hey - another shire that's like beyond the edge of the world.
Considering the fecundity of several traks lately, Northampton might
have the right idea.
Finally in answer to the Canine (below)
hairy dog question, who, what, why? And you just want a name?
Almost too many possibilities.
Yes of course - it's the Anatolian Shepherd Dog -
more next week...
Some almost printable and most concern Youngman in improbable
and physically challenging positions...
 Q. Name a hairy dog? (answer next week)
26 September 2006,
Afternoon di-coteledonous oafs, single digit grey cell
owners and those of dubious personal hygiene.
You are my flock, the sheep upon which my preaching
drool descends (lucky people) and only the unworthy need
fear the shears. Now where did I put those jelly babies
to practice on?
Guilt belongs at home - Oct 1st Sunday assistance
Autumn begins (or ends, depending how far up your own
orificular crevice one is about such matters) with a
Sunday morning triathlon this weekend based around
Robinson pool and park. With near 300 adults and 140
kiddleys (aquathlon/drowning pool) this is set to be a
busy morning.
Help is still required (has it not always been thus).
Those salt-trail avoiding slugs amongst you who
could provide aid on Saturday afternoon (or even better
Sunday) will be rewarded by reserved spaces in your
respective religions relevant paradise. If that is not
enough your mortal flesh will receive goodie bag and
pizza in evening (far better the sin of material now
than the long shot of eternal succulence in heaven).
if you can help let Steve know :
mailto:galeforce.com@ntlworld.com
Fix they screamed, umpires decision final (unless
brown envelopes forthcoming)
Final Placings are up for Traks
Club Championships.
A storming final two events from TowTruck Jenkins
slapped homeboy El-unWorthy back into 2nd place, oh the
ignominy, to be beaten by someone (anyone) superior. To
win human, to face defeat and stock up at Tesco for ones
larder divine! Can't be bothered to eulogise third
place, ph third, nowhere, waster.
Over on the other (more important) side Sandra (WhoMe?)
Tschumi brushed aside all opponents to destroy the field
and surge into first place cruising to a crushing
victory (etc you get the picture). Someone was 2nd but I
really can't be bothered trying to make it sound close.
Think either side of the grand Canyon, that close!
Trainspotter types, anoraks and those too keen to
know better (recent races:)
All had more, less, few or fewer traks involved in the
dying embers of the year.
Good to see our journeyman triathletes continuing their
lonely quest for sporting mediocrity.
I salute most of you. Others can breathe easy.
Hamster wheel preservation Society
Soon (mid October) we shall hopefully be back at Dragons
Fitness Club on Thursday night for the winter months
sessions of pain, agony and all things beautiful in the
world of spinning torture. Probably 8pm and £3 or -
watch this space for more info soon. Water, towel,
strong bowels and the ability to inflict pain on
yourself are the only requisites for a fun evening with
the boys and girls on the bikes.
Right that's your lot for now, work hard, play hard, and
keep the toys in the pram, especially those who might be
needing a pram soon.
Cycle in the rain, run through the wasteland, swim in
hope and just enjoy.
If someone could mention that to Miller I'd be obliged.
Lovely man just no sense of moderation when it comes to
exercise.
Sleep tight all, you just never know when the axe will
fall (and other comforting thoughts).
Gone (effortlessly and with much guile), Max.
============================================
disinformation: www.bedfordtraktors.co.uk ingenuosity : tominman@ntlworld.com lies and filth: max@traks.tk untruths: steve@traks.tk calumnies: galeforce.com@ntlworld.com 20 Sept 2006
Afternoon dweebs, misfits and heliotropes of unrequited ambition
(whatever),
let apathy rot your soul and underachievement haunt your shorts.
Up and coming
Thinking of slumming on the couch this weekend, well get your
dribbling butts over to
Roade Triathlon
on Sunday.
Why the push? Have a look at this:
Northampton Series Club standings
We (you not me - for sure) are in top place after 3 races with
Roade the final decider. So if you are of competitive bent or
just like sticking it bigtime to other poor unfortunates enter,
blitz, enjoy revelry and keep the Traks top.
Your Fuhrer (Youngman) commands you...
Home soil (for some soiled home, own a dog and live in flat)
After my enforced holiday (and present enforced recovery) I'm
updating the Traks club championships and tomorrow it should be
fully relevant. Today I will get the Jordans Bedford Classic in
and tomorrow add Grendon Olympic from beginning of Sept.
Patience is a virtue (that most of you noticeably lack).
A small shrill cry for help
Bedford Autumn Sprint has
come up very quickly and entries are looking large (250 plus
another 200 kids in the aquathlon) so this is an early heads up
(for those who need time to remove said objects from various
holes, orifices and dark corners) for marshalling help.
If you have Sunday 1st October free help out, if you don't have
it free change your schedule and make it so. I will ask again in
the future less pleasantly!
Just in case (and well overdue)
Grendon Olympic (3 sep) note
monster 6th place for Towtruck.
Finally (Max's back, and the bits contained therein)
With a little luck and some banging on tables about patient
rights and inhuman working conditions I should be getting a full
discharge this afternoon. No longer will I be at the mercy of
the South Wing juice suckers, fluid counters and needle stickers
and then there are the ones who are actually trying to help as
well. I will be confined to visits to physio for doses of
institutionalised retribution - oh boy it's a whole new meaning
to range of movement and sore muscles when my favourite South
African pros get hold of my well crunched left hand side. Joy.
So in case you didn't quite follow what happened over 3 weeks
ago: my ribs had meaningful conversation with tarmac, broke 7
ribs in 9 places in left back, this in turn lead to a tension
hemothorax, unpleasantly drained, then drain became MRSA
infected (surprised it had the temerity but obviously didn't
know it was me) which tracked down chest wall. Almost
irrelevantly cracked 4th lumbar vertebra. Pish. Left shoulder
locked in place for 2 weeks due to muscle damage and mobility
slowly returning.
At present (25 days and counting) I can do most things slowly
and gently, force a smile if really pushed, there is little pain
except at night (sleeping is not good, or rather it is if I
could manage much of it), breathing is restricted and a little
tight (understatement) and I seem to be tired a lot of the
time. Wonder why!
Thanks for the visits in hospital (noticeable use of gritted
teeth), though I think a few of you must have been intending to
visits relatives and took a wrong turn. Hey ho.
Enough of my excuses. But the crossbow is on order.
I will see you all in hell and might even beat a few of you
there (it's not a race, Miller).
Max,
normal service will resume shortly. As if!
============================================
hutch: www.bedfordtraktors.co.uk sty : tominman@ntlworld.com
muckspreading: galeforce.com@ntlworld.com Traks almost news 16 Sept 2006.  (my
version. Note Dormer taking advantage to slip by). (how
it really was).
Evening my fully
be-ribbed ebb tide of reading effluent (get parents
to do it if struggling),
Received
compassionate leave over weekend for good behaviour.
Have to wear a
bracelet and report in for "remedial drug therapy"
midday and midnight until future decided on Monday.
I am better but
not mended. The ribs are knitted but not set (get
those kicks in), the lung piercing (non-body
jewellery type) healed, but the wound (my scar to
be) from chest drain is infected and this has
tracked some way down into the chest wall. Yummy.
Mucho reduced movement/strength in shoulder. Neck
and head tending to ground on regular basis.
- My swabs for
every orifice and then some were neg for MRSA so if
I find the bloated scumbag who gave me this there
will be repercussions.
I am stiff, sore,
swollen (left side of my body still needs a support
bra), tired (most of the time) but still capable of
climbing stairs and harrassing neighbours.
I have a list of
acolytes who came to offer penance at the feet of
the Guru. Those who forwent the pilgrimage should
start feeling uncomfortable very soon.
Over 3 weeks
I was staggered by the number of grovelling incontinents
who appeared to attempt to reduce their guilt by
eating my grapes, stealing my women and bringing
yesterdays papers. You know who you are and thank
every one of you, even Miller. Some deserve more
praise than others and when I can find good cheap
crossbow I will be giving them an extra little
treat.
Max, becoming
needle averse el rapido... gone.
More later when
there's something worth moaning about.
September 13 2006 As the Bedford Autumn Sprint approaches we are looking for one last hurrah to finish off the season. Over 200 have entered so far with a further 200 children estimated in the 2nd Bedford Junior Aquathlon.Check out the latest photos on the gallery page - Traktors at Jordans Bedford - courtesy of Paul ChiltonAugust 25 2006
Good morning malodorous dweebs,
Work or die (work and die, if I had my choice)
good to see so many of the keen and faithful up for
marshalling/helping at the Classic on Sun/Sat.
My heart soars to be amongst such a crew of low-lives
and underachievers.
Want to know where you are and what fearsome
responsibility has been laid at your foul doorstep?
Try the latest and greatest
Marshal position sheet (XL)
It will probably be updated once more before Sun morning
so check back later. Print yourself a copy and enjoy
being one with the universe (small and insignificant
though your role in it might be).
General brief and sensible guide on
marshalling (word)
Thanks for your help (costs us nothing), we appreciate
your time (still cost us nothing, I like this) and
effort (you work , we freewheel - this is great). There
will minor food/drink provision Saturday (ouch, spending
hurts) and Sunday by voucher (pit bosses should have
them to distribute - only valid if signed by Elvis and
you are carrying an eye-patched penguin with attitude).
Grab a groovy goody bag and come along to Santaniello
Pizzeria 8pm Sunday night for a sampling of Bedford's
finest (finest what?, pizza you brain dead
invertebrate). That's about it.
In other less socially divisive news:
Traks tt Thursday night
results now up
The rest is blank space for you to envision your wildest
fantasies...so that'll be going down the allotments and
weeding for most of you. Enjoy your short, unpleasant
time on this orb, I will!
The weekend madness beckons, a low calling that sweeps
under the wind, growing to a howl of magnificence as we
travel our lonely but connected paths to oblivion. Think
I better go cool down before skull melts...
Max out.
ps: Good luck to those attending Hartlepool
International - traitors.
Hi ya kiddley poos,
more of what you don't want and less of what you do. So now we
understand each other, good.
Fairly Important - Bleat, baa, moo, yakkety yak (and other
social animals) - gather ye!!
Meeting for marshals, team leaders, pole sitters, bench warmers,
worm wranglers, pillow throttlers and other concerned types (if
you're not you will be...) at the
Bedford Athletic stadium bar this Wednesday, 8pm for 8:15.
Main topic, probably the only one, will be provision of marshals
and duties for Bedford Classic Triathlon this coming Sunday. If
you are helping, thinking of helping or merely have a passing
inclination to look in on this fine event, turn up, tune in and
suck Steve Young dry (of wisdom and knowledge). It's going to be
a big one (the race) with a record entry for both events so help
and enthusiasm are in demand (so that's wish fulfilment
unfulfilled then). If you turn up late (aaaargh) and the bar
seems empty try the committee room alcove on the left (or just
run out quick thanking some strange deity for your good
fortune).
Relatively Important - Need to know...
The
marshals sheet (XL) for the Classic is looking a bit Naomi
(skinny) at present but will be updated as and when info and
names are added.
If you are on it please supply me with a mobile number. Or check
that the number I've cribbed from other sources is correct! Will
put in ones I know later today. Stay cool.
Unimportant - Going round in lumpy circles!
Traks time trial results on XL available at the
usual place.
Good to see a dozen brazen souls attempt the 17km of pedalling
hell - even better that 9 of them used the correct course. To
err is human, to make a mistake merely alien. Several good
times with a promise of lots more to come as the youngsters
learn those bends and hammer them thar' hills. Springman sprung,
Kemp cantered and Bottomley...well you get the idea. Mark Grays'
blistering destruction of the course record unfortunately wasn't
as he manufactured his own novel route. Get it right next time
dear.
Yet another
traks TT course map (courtesy of Youngman) - enjoy the
profile (left hand side, click on the elevation choices), note
the either going up or going down aspect and the lack
flatlanderdom - gotta love it. In case you want to get pedantic
the official course length is 17064m (not the slightly stubby
version from above).
Next TT is Thursday evening from 6:15 be there or get a life or
don't or somesuch. It's late (I mean early) - what do you
expect? Wit, humour, spite and cynicism all in one package...no
chance. Get back to your Bovril and mushy peas.
If the embedded links don't work I'll go back to full length
URLs next outing.
Gratuitously wasteful padding
Enough, I have dallied too long on this profound document of
fate, hmmm, time for chasing some Doom3 darlings.
Excellent. Shame there's only so many limbs you can remove
at one time with a pump-action...now where did I put that chain
gun...?
Morning and out my little chums.
10 August 2006
Evening worms, beetles and dark space dwellers,
breathless expectoration
Results for final evening league will be out Friday
(after I wake up, so that'll be PM then).
Traks TT2006
So the BRCC Evening league is over and your life
(pitiful as it is) has finished.
You will wander the streets aimless, alone, pathetic.
Fighting squirrels, pigeons and rats for crumbs in the
gutters - is that any way for tri-folke to end up.
There is light, beauty and grace yet to fill your empty
existences.
The weather and light are with with us for many weeks
yet so try the Traks time trial as a little extra keep the season going.
It really is simple, no money, no sign on, no waiting.
Turn up at Water lane, Salph End, Renhold anytime
between 6:15 and 6:45, clip in and troll off.
I'll be there to time your wastrel efforts, heckle the
unsteady and offer no useful support whatsoever.
First attempt next Thursday, 17th August, then next four
weeks thereafter.
No stress, almost no work, lots of fun (???) and no
excuses.
Even better: if Thursdays don't work for you do a lap
whenever, time yourself and email me your time.
Do more than one and send your best! Just get out and
ride.
The times will be handicapped (based on evening league
performances and how unpleasant you've been to me this year). They will
alter week by week if any banditry is discovered!
Just in case you were wondering - race organiser is
excluded from winning. Whipping yo' butts on another 5 Thursdays will be
satisfying enough.
Your best 3 results out of the five will be added
together with the lowest male/female receiving something small and
meaningless...I can feel the ripples of excitement dying down already.
Results and handicaps will be at:
blank at present, will update in a day or two with
handicaps. That'll give you something to whinge about.
Nitty Gritty
The route is a technical undulating 17km of glory and
pain, comprising two hills, two slopes and in places very, very fast!
Course map:
the map includes links. Mouse over junctions for photos.
It might help you stay on route...it might not!
Higher quality map if you want to print:
It really is worth doing a trial run to get acquainted
with the course, some attempts from previous years are still out
there...
To get there:
The start/finish is located at Water lane, Salph End,
Renhold.
From Bedford centre head out on Goldington road past
Rugby club, straight over traffic lights.
Turn left at Church Lane (immediately before Goldington
green).
Follow for approx 2km until Wentworth drive roundabout
(v. large).
Straight across to Renhold, up small hill (PO on right)
down and turn left at bottom.
Water lane150m on right.
Max.
 04
August 2006
Morning intellectual
midgets, oases of vacuity and the merely
semi-conscious.
You need numerical sustenance to
warm your bloated egos...I know this and provide
remembrance of things past:
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/maxathome/el2006/EL-2006-results-R14.txt (Orwellian
- bleak and sparse)
and to help forget things that passed:
http://homepage.ntlworld.com/maxathome/el2006/EL2006.xls
(Proustian - overlong and convoluted)
A few Traktorial pbs spotted
amongst the digital angst (it might be
exercise to you but it all comes down to
numbers).
Sharon McC, Mark G, Keely J
and Tom B all deserve accolades and riches
for their efforts, naturally they won't get
any from me. Just go faster folks and try
not to have nightmares about how to do low
26es as per the Brown personage.
Due to missing a race early
in the series there is an extra week of
trialling next Thursday with a final fling
at the 12m course.
This will allow certain souls
(Sam, Sarah, Andy, Tim and the young El
Worthy) to get their tenth race in. A good
performance by the aforementioned blond god
could catapault him into 2nd overall (a no
show or real stinker from Phil "lumphammer"
Jenkins needed also). Well here's hoping. As
for the rest - just turning up and riding
would give traks 12 of the top 25
positions...not a bad showing for a bunch of
failed tri wannabees.
finale: In case anyone cared
(yawn) - the picture last week waas by Paolo
Casci and depicted the fate of approx 200
"yellow bikes" that were provided as free
transport by the Finnish town of Joensu in
1989. There...I knew you'd be fascinated. Do
I detect muffled snores and other less
attractive sounds...?
Max, retired to a more
horizontal existence, oh glory!
Afternnoon humble tri folke (as if),
Kit & Caboodle
I have Traktors tri kit for those that
haven't collected it.
I have arrest warrants for those who have not
given me fresh chequeage.
I have scorn for non-wearers of this fine
apparel (that's me then).
Will be at swimming on Tuesday or email to
arrange a more personal fitting.
Most of the male suits have gone but there
are several female outfits left for anyone wanting to look
super spiffy.
Will fit a tubby cross-dresser (got some
spare cash Lacy?).
Papparazzi
Once you have your kit then we shall have a
team photo! Goodie, I do like surprises.
This will happen at swim changeover this
coming Tuesday so approx 8:15 or so.
So turn up, turn out, turnip (alliteration is
such a wonderful skill, second only to sarcasm in
desirability of use) and be one in several as the camera
doesn't lie (but the editing software does).
Be there or be out of focus...
Situation vacant
Wanted: person (human or otherwise) to
keep the webshite up and running with vaguely regular
sturff like news, event(s) and result(s).
Apply in blood (or other body fluid as
available) or howl at the moon (should get our
attention) to Steve or myself, no truthful CV required,
exemplary prison record advantageous.
Cruelty to animals, miners and dot-matrix
printers could prove useful.
We await the flood (of replies) as Noah
said to his webmistress.
That's it dearies...get your kit off and your
kit on.
Max (on behalf of all those who couldn't care
less).
never look behind 'cos there might not be
anyone there...
28 July 2006
Morning enthralled masses (you gather at
my dry well like a tightly packed pomegranate),
Time trially stuff: it was like riding
through thin warm treacle last night.
But what do I know as several trak folke
hit pbs (scum) including:
Keely J (tri bars work don't they - 3
figure heart rate helps as well)
Miles C (still a knees-out sexist waster
- in the Young mould)
Duncan P (how in the hell)
Tom B (outrage)
Tom B (the pleasant, socially adroit
other one)
Steve H (new boy and set to shake up the
old order).
for the bloated sheep:
and for the dip that
would receive them:
Just to reiterate that that the BRCC
time trials run because many people give up their
time to put it on. Kudos, dudes.
As a minor inducement (in addition to
the drugs, booze, flooze and snooze) they are given
preferential TT times for the evenings they help
out. If anyone has a list of those who deserve
substituted times I would be grateful (as I can then
include them in the full results).
==========================================================================================
In other time wasting activities
(that'll be running and triathlon then):
MK triathlon (olympic) Sunday 23rd July
at Emberton attracted a fair number of wannabees &
bottom feeders. Prominent by his anonymity was 93rd
finisher (of 790) Darren Farr, err thanks for being a
Traktor but who are you? On the other side of the human
dividing line Sandra Tschumi finished 2nd by cat and was
8th female overall (think that's good, not really sure).
http://www.personal-group.com/bigcow/results.asp?EventID=76&CourseID=6#E
(full results htm - pain in bum).
I found 8 trak wasters amongst the
finishers and will update the traks club
championship sheet by days end (Fri).
Several traktors masquerading as Harriers
and Beds AC types in the Wednesday Doug Anderson 5k run:
Andy Kinglake completed Ironman Germany
(July 06) - why??? If you fancy his numbers then this
link
http://ironman.com/events/ironman/germany?show=tracker&y=2006
- put his name or number (421) in the box.
http://www.ironman.de/dokumente/result2006.pdf -
full results as pdf.
Unworthy ran the Wardown Park 5k on
Sunday morning (23 July - Luton) finishing a brain
numbing 4th in about 17 minutes or so. Not sure I ever
want to talk to you again if this is the reward I get
for being your number 2 nutrition coach.
There might or might not have been a few
other traks there - obviously performances so appalling
they've gone back to hide in their respective pits.
Damned if I can find any full results yet
so you'll just have to suffer.
Nutrition Coach Number 2 tip for day: If
hungry, eat. If not hungry eat anyway because you never
listen to the first piece of advice. At all other times,
eat. Done.
 So
now you know James.
Next week I'll tackle sleep (and how to
avoid other non-essential time wasting activities).
Max. zzzzz.
ps: small (very) prize for anyone/thing
who can explain top picture (or give artist and
inspiration). I can hear your brains frying already.
 13
July 2006
Evening to all of reduced
intellect (and those whose shoulders you stand on)
- you know who you are or
go find someone to explain.
Just the TT numbers tonight:
plain text for those who
like colouring books:
or glorious
mono Excel for those that don't:
Enough - I need bed and penguins (in what
order, who cares about order...)
Brain dead I greet the dawn,
Max over the hill (and not far away
enough).
Elvis has left the building.
6 July 2006
Evening
paltroons, gobby louts and dross (see, I
didn't forget any of you)...
BRCC time trial - lots of PBs,
loads of minutes knocked several peoples
times.
For those concerned enough to
care (so that's where you all stop reading)
after his spectacular
handlebar vault at Old Warden (nearby couple
applauded and gave him 9.9 , dropping under a ten due to
low degree of difficulty), Miller is just
about okay. Though it's hard to work out
the difference pre and post accident -
the hunched shoulder, vacant stare, limp gait and
evil-needs-therapy-manic-laugh are still
there - so no improvement.
He'd love to thank everybody
for all the get well cards but
didn't receive any so won't.
plain text for
those sad enough to care:
or gratuitously overnumerate Excel for those
that don't:
In other areas
Bedford Rydon Sprint Series
Race 3
Big thanks to all the
marshals who volunteered sleep time to help
out.
Another one done well because
of you. Appreciate it.
Hence updated club
championship numbers:
Bala half Ironperson for Ben
Norman (pos 199 for those still awake)
and this same sick puppy
is attacking Ironman UK (20 August) and
he wants your money:
Bed for me (that'll be
swinging gently upside down claws
wrapped round a rafter...)
Tired, gone, Max.
 29 June 2006
Evening doe-eyed roadkill and other
recently despined flatheads...
Several of you managed
pbs on a very windy night -
congratulations and don't do it again
as I end up having to
update the Xl sheet with your feeble
effarts.
Special mention for the
silent hero Ben Armstrong (son of Kevan
and Rachel) who at some
very tender age is
showing some lard arses the way home
(despite being a quarter
their age, and probably
considerably smaller fraction
bodyweight).
Yo dude, waaaaaay to go!
plain text for those old enough to read:
or phat rad Excel
(for the remaining numerically
incontinent)
Help needed type
semi-rant...
Last call for marshals
on Sunday (you know that triathlon
thingy).
Bedford Rydon Series Race
3 - the decider (doesn't that sounds
impressive, no. 'spose not).
Robinson pool early
morning and your reward will be
unimaginable.
Few of you
have imaginations so technically I'm
correct and hence morally superior, of
course.
Or you might get goody
(goodie?) bag t-shirt pizza evening and
a vague mutter of thanks.
Sounds superior stuff so
far.
Let me or Steve know your
intentions to help out, delighted I'm
sure.
Max emits gurgling by-bye
type noises as the leathery gourd of
evil
that is myself flits off
daintily into the sunset (Byronic no)?
Avoirdupois and nocturnal
departures greets to all.
3 may 2006 10th April
2006 04 Apr
2006 |
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