04 may 2008

Too exciting for words department
So have some numbers instead...
Bedford Sprint tri Sunday may 04 results (pdf).

04 may 2008

Bedford Sprint Numero Uno (that's one, you dimbo).
A cool and slightly overcast morning. Lots of people, some children (they were the small things that were going faster than you) and the odd marshal appeared. A spiffing time for all was had by several. Grand. There will be results (provisional) as soon as I get my greasy dabs on them but for now a few pics that might bring it all back (or up). Here's hoping (for results later that is) but not until I have wined,  wenched, caroused, and generally behaved like a complete triathlete (which of course I am not...).

ps: spare a thought for the guy who hit the parked car in Clapham and broke bike (scrap), wrist (ooh, painful) and sense of humour when it was suggested to the race ref that a penalty 2 mins for "inattention" might be in order. Sadly she decided a DNF was punishment enough...hope you (and bank balance) recover soon.

  

30 April 2008 (it just is - okay?)

Shop 'til you drop
Deep throat spy source (ex cold war Checkpoint Charlie type) has revealed that ALDI are selling bike kit cheap (well, cheap by impoverished gear freak standards) on Thursday. Might be worth oiling your wheelchair/zimmer/hip replacements and popping along to see what all the excitement is about. Nearest ALDI is in Biggleswade, then MK, Wellingbrough & Bletchley (I think) should you feel the need to peruse & purchase at the altar of the Stack'Em High Visanotaccepted Church of the Latter Day Sainted Wide-aisles. Go forth and pay brethren and may your credit go with you...
ALDI sale page for week 18 2008

28 April 2008

Traktor Alien Life forms discovered at Duston

Duston tri happened in the early hours of today(well Sunday then, smartass)...do I care about results...not a whit. But just to prove that evil lurks in strange places...the man on the left is dangerous and should be poached with caution (if not merely boiled). Note the odd nipple bleed effect and that preparations for balding comb-over is well under way.
But he's got a good bike though and that's all that really counts.

Whereas Baby bear, Papa bear and Mama bear (no particular ordure) below are not dangerous (at all), though one the left looks like he could use a stiff drink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

                   So the season starts...golly.
               27 April 2008 DUSTON results (pdf)


"Anyone seen a triathlon? I'm sure I left it here earlier?...and the goggles/flip-flops are mine too!"

27 April 2008

evening soiled minions of corruption, irrelevant semi-grotesques and daffodil munchers everywhere. A few items of interest to remove the rigidity of your vacant scheduled lives...

Wot? No email department.
I haven't been sending emails out because I've been posting news on the Traktors news page...so there.
Seems some (both) of you hadn't realised. Dorks (Duffuses, thank you James). That's where it's going to be found in future.
However I might send out the odd email regarding important (as opposed to earth shattering global events) Traktory things occasionally. Most likely when we need your help to marshal events which of course is my next point of dishonour.

May 4th, a day to go down in infamy.
The first of this years Mighty Bedford Sprint Series based at Robinson pool.
Some help setting up on Saturday afternoon would be appreciated but the real need as always is Sunday morning marshalling duties.
Can you twitch, shuffle, moan, obfusticate, impale, imperil, feign indifference, give misleading directions, act gormless, clueless or otherwise reprehensibly foolish, make indifferent gestures, expel unpleasant odours and generally inconvenience triathletes going about their competitive business.
Then you are perfect marshal material and we are hiring big time.
For your early morning appearance (7am or earlier) on Sunday you receive goody bags, t-shirts, pizza in the evening at Santaniello and just about no thanks whatsoever. Sounds grand Gromit!
Let Steve or myself know your willingness to donate your body to a worthy cause (any uncollected at the end will be left by the cricket pavilion for the wino's and druggies - mainly town councillors and local MPs - to have something comfortable to sit on while going about their post triathlon debrief).
Thank you for helping out in case we don't thank you on the day (entirely possible considering previous encounters with marshal type dross).

Gimme all your money...now or the (insert name of least favourite relative) gets it department
Yet again a year has passed (since I wrote my note...thanks for all your groovy help there Mr. Sting, now bog off) since you last raided your favourite hiding place and extracted £10 membership fee to belong to our quaint but delightfully misshapen club. So if you haven't coughed it's about time you did.
Your glorious donation helps fund swimming on Tuesdays, ensures you can partake in cycling timetrials (we are affiliated to RTTC/CTT) and upon presentation of your membershit card gives you 10% off "stuff" purchased at Priory Marina Cycles (our sponsor). Cards are in production and if you want to avoid various members of the Adams family/Munsters appearing instead of you on them you need to send me a jpg of your evil bloaty visage. Then I can incorporate into the fabric of space and time (I mean your card). I can scan passport photo's and return but but anything untoward might (will be) kept and used for blackmail purposes.

Enough garrulous tweetings, Max gone!

25 April 2008

Seconds out - round 2 - Time trial update.
There will be NO trial run through on Thursday 1st May. Drat. This is because the time trials have reverted to 1 minute between each rider format, so there is no need to try out the 30 second separation. So see you on the 8th of May.

Coming up soon:
Duston (Northants) this weekend. Several Traks involved - some even competing.
Traks Sprint Tri 4th May, Robinson Pool venue - marshals needed - let us know you can help (or get your parents to write an excuse letter and it better be good, damn good).
Back to sleep my anxious gnarly gherkin, that's all for now until next dicing with the pickle fork of fate.

20 April 2008

Open Water swimmage...almost upon us, yippee!
The cuddly and faintly devious Gings has been down to Box End to check on water temperature (and the bar facilities of course). His breathless forum posting that the dizzy heights of 12C have been reached caused ripples that probably won't settle down for at least an hour or two. In a seperate but unrelated act of complete stupidity Mark (hardasspam) Pryor claimed the first open water immersion of the season by banging out a 1000m in Colworth reservoir (11.3C) last week. Nutter. Before you Ironfolke ring in with semi-believable tales of following Russian icebreakers in January around the Kamchatka peninsula you are not human so don't count.
Need several sunny days and cloudy nights to bring the water temperature up to vaguely survivable. But if you fancy an April dip I'd suggest you are either mad, do not understand the concept of "cold" or go to Tesco and purchase Houmus or make your own Guacamole (I do and it's fab, no you cannot have some). So those eager beavery types will just have to deal with the fact that it still looks like early May is as soon as this years bath (for some) will happen. The good bit is that 12C is above the minimum stipulated for swimming at Box End so you can venture a toe (or less) into the murky depths just don't expect too many (unless they are Walrus) to join you. Details of times/cost are as per 21 March news item.
Once swimming starts the Traks forum is the best place to get updates and work out who is doing what and when (and to whom).

Thunderbirds are go, time trial madness returns May 8
The BRCC evening league kickoffs officially on Thursday May 8th, 7pm, for 14 consecutive weeks. The races, alternate between the 10 & 11.3 mile courses. Your best 5 times on each of them will be aggregated to produce final results. Much to the anguished horror of the cycling community we triathletes (speak for yourself) seem quite capable of riding bikes very fast. Since 2001 Traks have won the league series 3 times for male, 1 for female and 1 for old git (veteran). So get on down and dish out another dose of pain! 30 minutes of near ballistic aerobic effort once a week counts as brilliant training.
 
Some details: start is in Cardington village,  reach the t-junction and BRCC clubhouse is 100m on the right (might have a few bikes and fat people standing around so you know you've hit ground zero). £4 a go, sign on desk is open from 6:15. Worth being early for the first bash as there will be lots of headless chickens, rubber chickens and general poultry queuing for entry (and then toilets). Traktors usually make up half the field (so 20 to 30 or us) meaning there will be plenty of chance to settle old scores, create new ones and attend adult numeracy classes.
In a break from centuries of tradition riders will be going off at 30 second intervals which should give plenty of opportunity to hunt down and crush lots more slowfolke this year, oh yes!

Stop Press! Evening League. Stop Press!
Thursday 1st of May 7pm, there will be a Evening League time trial pre-season dry run. So if you want to get to know the system and one of the courses come along to the BRCC shack in Cardington and give it a go. Do it! Because you you know it makes absolutely no sense at all.

08 April 2008 of your Earth years.

Traks return from Pyrenean Hill Climb Horror!
Several traktorial stalwarts (just warts in some cases) have spent the previous week doing unpleasant nastiness to themselves up and down the foothills of the Pyrenees. Day four was the Mont Bollo time trial, 5km and 300m of ascent, names and times as depicted below. Just in case you are wondering Sam is 9 - just and considerably more mature than some others in this group hug portraiture of sleaze. More to come when other photographic filth appears from our/your collective vaults.

Might even have one of Girona airport departure lounge since one of our crew obviously enjoyed it so much he turned it into a hotel after booking the wrong flight back. Hint: hero (was) Vino.

26 March 2008

Rumour Kontrol - Evenink Legumes
Latest indications are that the BRCC time trials on Thursdays known as the "Evening League" will start on May 8th at 7pm. There is also talk that the previous week (1st May for those with huge brains but no numerical ability) will see a pre-Evening League style tt as a warm-up with riders going ff at 30 second intervals. Oh goodie double the number of lardasses to hammer past. If successful the 30 second gap will be maintained for the season.
Such is the success of this venerable institution that the hordes need to be pushed through the gates quicker to get everyone home for cocoa and Pooh at bedtime.

This is all very unofficial so stay calm, take drugs, indulge in crime, continue your appalling driving habits, do morally reprehensible things under the guise of exploring rarely seen anatomy, claim pointless victories wherever the chance arises...and when there are firm plans I will let you know - probably.

Glorious Extension to spinnage - joy to all peeps!
Spinning at LA fitness on Manton Hill has been extended by popular demand until 17th April. Mark (onyerbike) has pushed boundaries (were none existed), knocked heads together (barely cms apart) to bring this to fruition, how fitting.
So all you lazy gymrat types can sweat (as if) in ecstasy for 3 more weeks, (3,10,17 April), enjoy. Ride or die...hmm - how to tell the dead from the merely dying, tricky?

21 March 2008

Open water madness returns (soon) - dress code: neoprene
Some Box End Park open water information for you eager beaver data mining saddos. Revised water entry times are the main feature. Mon-Fri 1100-1300 and 2000 until sunset. Sat-Sun 0800-0900. So extra at lunchtimes and some less at weekends. It's a really good facility and fairly flexible so there might be some latitiude and changes once the season gets going. I'll try and stay current.
It's important that you read and absorb a new set of rules with more emphasis on swimmer safety (must be a good thing). Signing in at dock and safety sign need to be adhered to.
For most of us the 6 month membership (May-Oct) at £65 should be adequate or £100 the year. If you think it's warm enough in April then £4 a pop. The membership form is still the 2007 version - if it gets updated I'll post a link.

Dirty cycling weekends...(admit it - you've all done it).
This year the GORE MTB series is including 4 hilly sportive (100m/50m) weekends for proper cyclists. May 24, July 5, Aug 2 & Sept 13. Two are in Wales, one in Scotland and the last most tempting (I could be interested) in Cumbria. You need to look at the mtb-marathon website for details and here's the entry form as it's not too obvious...page 3 for the sportive section if you want to skip all the mudplugging idiocy. One of our nameless minions has competed (fule) in the MTB series and rates the event organisation as above even Traktor level. Now that's a recommendation.

Okay enough excitement. Must go and pretend to enjoy the Easter weekend (snow, rain, wind, cold, ice, general filth, perfect) just don't expect me to come out and play. Monday is looking almost respectable compared to Fri-Sun. Have numerous aliens to kill (after Milan San Remo on Eurospurt of course). Toodlepip.

A final Easter thought      

13 March 2008

All good things must end...
Spinning at LA Fitness Manton Lane will finish the last Thursday in March, that's the 27th. With more daylight and the clocks changing it's about time you ugly gits got back on your bikes and cycled. Will come as a bit of a culture (bacterial) shock to those more used to admiring your gymrat physiques in the mirrors after showering (those whose hygiene extends to that sort of bodily abuse).

Not making waves.
No swimming on Saturday 22nd march at Bedford High School. There is a session on the 29th and then that's curtains for a while.

09 March 2008 (OMG! It's alive)

Making waves
Saturday swimming finishes 29th March. Thanks to all who got wet and supported this glorious venture.
Amazingly the weather will warm up, daylight increase and interested traktorial types will appear from under bushes and out of closets everywhere...to go open water swimming in Box End Lake. More info on usage, cost and times will appear soon.

After holding an extraordinary general meeting (extraordinary as it never happened) and in wide consultation (Fuhrer NotsoYoung and gitboy, me) with almost no one else, it has been decided that double sessions on Tuesday at Bedford School Pool are £5. In case you were wondering, this is still about swimming.

Money grubbing (from worms to maggot, seems fair)
April 1st and club membershit fees are due. Dig deep into those septic tanks, old Vaseline tubs and bags of your dead mothers hair. Find that £10 and lay it across my delighted grasping tentacle. If you want to pay by instalments I will accept £10 now and anything else you wish to provide, later.

This year I'll be wearing mainly kit (time to arrival: think Blue Whale gestation).
Forum threads on kit design discussion and voting page have been up for a while, go visit, opionate and cast your ballot.
We the management will then totally ignore the peoples choice and go with what looks good on our tubby little frames. But at least the semblance of democratic process shines bright even if the truth is most definitely not out there.

New Klub Kit (screaming match over shades of blue and mauve, fun sort of, but quite sad really).

New Klub Kit - VOTE HERE NOW! (Poll ends Tuesday 11th March) (vote and be damned...oops sorry! You already are).

Apologies to casual readers, you have to go through a pox-ridden registration process to use the forum...so bloody well sign up you lazy illiterate swine. I kommand it.

Sunday, I'm knackered and it's way past your bedtime - no implied connection. KTHXBI!
ps: Caines have departed, long live the Caines. GCHQ now Duns North of Preston: long way for a coffee on Saturday.

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